Silly Man Woman Witch of the Sea
[excerpt from an automatic writing session following a freaky nap-dream]:
[…] what… you again. you. you and your silly, slippery ways. silly lady of the sea. I see you now and again when I close my eyes to the land lovers’ lies. but you have lies of your own, don’t you. I’ve heard them uttered by all those you’ve conned into spreading your word. don’t think I’m so foolish as they. don’t think I won’t slam the door in your beautiful face. you are wily and lovely, it’s true. I even love you, though it pains me to admit this, terribly. you disguise yourself as a new boy every year or two, and I fall for it for a little while, sometimes a long while, but always, somewhere down the road to that special kind of hell you beckon me into, I recognize the subtle stench of misery ahead, and your true face is once again revealed, the dark feminine witch of the sea, where live all of my repressed fears, desires and memories. you’ve fooled me once, you’ve fooled me twice and you’ll fool me again. I have no doubt. our little game has gained an almost welcome feeling of home, at least once I figure things out. and that’s always right before your tentacles plunge me under for good, always in time to make my escape. and for that moment or two I feel alive in the struggle and proud in the triumph, which is more perhaps than most can say. and what else do I have to do? it’s all a game anyway. we make enemies of ourselves so we can battle them and feel like winners. or losers. but always like we’ve put up a good fight. the real fight always eluding us, of course, but we’re good at ignoring what we don’t want to think about. seasoned experts we are at lying to ourselves. but some of us are clever at both ends! we build lie detector brain thingies to keep ourselves alert to our own deceptions. so don’t you dare think me foolish like the others, silly man woman witch of the sea […]
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[another niblet from the same session]:
[…] I was a promiscuous little doll in one of my lives. I was as happy - and as amoral (so called) - as could be. what a different culture. what a free, emotional mind. i was comfortable with my body, and with others seeing it, touching it. there was no evil or sense of wrong involved. i can feel it. i can remember. but now i fight against the neurological nightmare of a very different upbringing […]
by the by…
[from Wikipedia]:
Automatic writing is the process, or product, of writing material that does not come from the conscious thoughts of the writer. The writer’s hand forms the message, and the person is unaware of what will be written. It is sometimes done in a trance state. Other times the writer is aware (not in a trance) of their surroundings but not of the actions of their writing hand.
“of the sea” — I knew my subconscious was ripping that from somewhere. I just remembered where — Tim’s “Mary Star of the Sea.” Good thing it’s public domain now! Actually it’s really good and you should go read it.
Hey, first time I’ve visited since you decided to renovate………Cool! Can’t wait to see the finished produce. I like your poems….very thought provoking.
Oops, that should be product, not produce!
I like it better as produce. It means the same thing — the fruits of my efforts. :)