God Is Not a Human
[scribbled upon waking from an unusually deep sleep, January 25, 2008]:
cloth beds hang from the ceiling in some dark, damp, beautiful - familiar - room. i’ve been inside it in dreams. it’s warm. i listen closely and hear birds and other beasts outside. what time and place have i found myself in this time? i like these smells i can’t quite recognize. they fill me with nostalgia for places I’ve never been, people I’ve never seen, a life I’ve never lived. how can that be? opening the opening, my jaw goes slack. the sky so wide and so alive. i never saw such wisdom in something so other, so not human. i never laid eyes upon the spirit world like this, right here in the middle of my world, spanning an entire horizon and sending me back inside to compose myself. am i awake? i’ve never been more awake. am I alive? I’ve never been less dead. i’m not alone, i realize when a hand on my shoulder with a sweet lady voice attached brings my attention back to the room with the warm smells. they’re her smells and i am not a woman. i am her husband. i am in love with her. she is my true friend. she is a sight like the sky. she is wise. she is alive like no one I’ve ever seen in the time I came from, which was when…? i can’t grasp it like i could moments ago. i feel a sense of mild loss, and it is replaced with a sense of gaining everything. so this is my real life. so this is my real home. so that was all a dream. there is no sun here, just the light of truth everywhere. there is no sadness, not in this moment. but I do know of it. it can be felt, even in this place. probably because sadness is a beautiful color too, when it’s sung right.
Silly Man Woman Witch of the Sea
[excerpt from an automatic writing session following a freaky nap-dream]:
[…] what… you again. you. you and your silly, slippery ways. silly lady of the sea. I see you now and again when I close my eyes to the land lovers’ lies. but you have lies of your own, don’t you. I’ve heard them uttered by all those you’ve conned into spreading your word. don’t think I’m so foolish as they. don’t think I won’t slam the door in your beautiful face. you are wily and lovely, it’s true. I even love you, though it pains me to admit this, terribly. you disguise yourself as a new boy every year or two, and I fall for it for a little while, sometimes a long while, but always, somewhere down the road to that special kind of hell you beckon me into, I recognize the subtle stench of misery ahead, and your true face is once again revealed, the dark feminine witch of the sea, where live all of my repressed fears, desires and memories. you’ve fooled me once, you’ve fooled me twice and you’ll fool me again. I have no doubt. our little game has gained an almost welcome feeling of home, at least once I figure things out. and that’s always right before your tentacles plunge me under for good, always in time to make my escape. and for that moment or two I feel alive in the struggle and proud in the triumph, which is more perhaps than most can say. and what else do I have to do? it’s all a game anyway. we make enemies of ourselves so we can battle them and feel like winners. or losers. but always like we’ve put up a good fight. the real fight always eluding us, of course, but we’re good at ignoring what we don’t want to think about. seasoned experts we are at lying to ourselves. but some of us are clever at both ends! we build lie detector brain thingies to keep ourselves alert to our own deceptions. so don’t you dare think me foolish like the others, silly man woman witch of the sea […]
[Mixtape 4 of 4] :: Dream Songs
Dream Songs Volume 2 :: Side [Sorry dudes. All mixtapes are temporarily out of commission until I find a way to not have them use up all of my allotted monthly bandwidth within a matter of days!]
1. Belle & Sebastian - You Made Me Forget My Dreams
2. Jerry Lee Lewis (?) - I’ll See You In My Dreams
3. Jesca Hoop - Dreams in the Hollow
4. Kimya Dawson - Red, White & Blue Dream
5. The Mamas & The Papas - California Dreaming
6. MIND WEBS (radio program, 30m) - A Dream at Noon Day
7. PJ Harvey - Horses In My Dreams
8. Simple Minds - New Gold Dream (live)
[Mixtape 3 of 4] :: Dream Songs
Dream Songs Volume 2 :: Side A [Sorry dudes. All mixtapes are temporarily out of commission until I find a way to not have them use up all of my allotted monthly bandwidth within a matter of days!]
1. ABBA - I Have A Dream
2. Belle & Sebastian - Dirty Dream #2
3. Bonnie Prince Billy - Dreaming My Dreams (Cranberries cover)
4. Built To Spill - Distopian Dream Girl
5. Clint Mansell - Requiem For A Dream
6. Crowded House - Don’t Dream It’s Over
7. David Bowie - Moonage Daydream
8. Depeche Mode - Dreaming of Me
9. Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams
10. John Lennon - Imagine (live)
11. The Monkees - Daydream Believer
12. The Moody Blues - In Your Wildest Dreams
13. Neil Young - It’s A Dream
14. Olivia Tremor Control - Define a Transparent Dream
15. Rod Rogers & Teri Summers - A Dreamy Waltz
16. Sufjan Stevens - The World’s Columbian Exposition / Carl Sandburg Visits Me In A Dream
17. The Two Petes - After the Goldrush (acapella Neil Young cover)
18. Tom Petty - Runnin’ Down a Dream
[Mixtape 2 of 4] :: Dream Songs
Dreamtape Volume 1 :: Side B [Sorry dudes. All mixtapes are temporarily out of commission until I find a way to not have them use up all of my allotted monthly bandwidth within a matter of days!]
1. Ace of Base - Dancer in a Daydream
2. Belle & Sebastian - Judy and the Dream of Horses
3. The Cranberries - Dreams
4. Dream Academy - Life in a Northern Town
5. Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong - Dream a Little Dream
6. The Everly Brothers - All I Have To Do Is Dream
7. Gary Wright - Dream Weaver
8. Heart - Dreamboat Annie
9. Ice Cream Truck - Creamsicle of my Dreamsicle
10. Louis Armstrong - A Kiss To Build a Dream On
11. Miracle Fortress - Have You Seen In Your Dreams
12. Psychic TV - Dreams Less Sweet (instrumental)
13. Radiohead - Nice Dream
14. Seu Jorge - When I Live My Dream
15. Slumber Party - I Never Dreamed
16. Supertramp - Dreamer
17. Thom Yorke - After The Goldrush (live Neil Young cover)
18. Tristan Psionic - The Nightmare Returns
19. Weezer - Only In Dreams